but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
