I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
