i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
We have started to decorate penises.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
that is very illegal...i love you.
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