I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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