***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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