I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
