Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
