how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
