since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
