whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
