you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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