The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
