ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
