I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just high enough for therapy.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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