Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
