You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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