last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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