He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
