i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
