im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Randomize
