if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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