Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
