My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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