i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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