When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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