best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
