my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
