do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
