So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
