I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
