man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
