Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
