I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
