Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
