the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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