Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
