The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She announced her abortion via fbk
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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