So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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