I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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