U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
