someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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