so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
