If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
