Got a toothbrush?
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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