I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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