i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
