she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
