I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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