Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
