Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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