I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
